We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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