Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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