You don't have asthma, your pregnant
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize