I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
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I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
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wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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