Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
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He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
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As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We smell like vodka and hangover
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