So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
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Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
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Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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