hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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