I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize