I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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