My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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