Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
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So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
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Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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