Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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