I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
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I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
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I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
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