he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
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we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
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fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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