Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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