I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
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I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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