No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
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His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
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just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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