Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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