Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
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I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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