YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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