dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
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I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
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Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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