i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
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they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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