found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize