so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize