Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
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Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
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idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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