Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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