i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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