Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
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I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
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I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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