I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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