it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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