guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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