your room smells of hookers.
And success
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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