i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She bit a glass in half.
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Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
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7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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