Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize