I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
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I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
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I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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