I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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