you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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