After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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