Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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