Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
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All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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