Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize