your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize