did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize