if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Just puked most of my soul out..
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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