my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize