Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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