Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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