The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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