I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Randomize