Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
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