I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
