This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
