He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
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She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
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He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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